After seemingly sailing through chemotherapy and radiation treatment last year for lung cancer, my dad suffered a series of small strokes he never recovered from and his body just gave up (weirdly, he hadn’t smoked in over 50 years, and even then, hadn’t smoked much when he did). This shock was followed the reality of having to take care of my mother, whose Alzheimer’s disease has begun to much more rapidly advance. After settling their affairs and moving my mom across the country and getting her settled, a series of other relationship issues in my life came to light, and have been massively challenging to work through. And it continues to be very difficult to watch my mother sort of evaporate.
Yet, I am surrounded by people I love, I am incredibly lucky to have a job I enjoy and that takes care of me and my family financially, I have discovered a deep love of cycling, which has helped me become fitter than I have been in many years.
The challenges I have been facing are very much natural in any life, and I endeavor every day to pause and be grateful for getting to ride this rock for however many years I am given. I am okay.
Kinda lost in my life right now. Spend too much time doing bullshit and not what I want. Heh, guess that’s why I’m on here. I’m mostly aight tho so don’t worry 'bout me too much.
I’m concerned about our future on this ball of mud tumbling through space and time.
So many assholes decide if someone else has the right to live or die, out of silly reasons.
I think it’s always been that way. I think the difference over time is that we’re more aware because ways of spreading the truth (and lies) are multiplying.
I’ve been financially assisting and ex girlfriend in the Philippines who got back in touch with me about 28 months ago. Her husband ran off with another woman and left her to deal with 5 kids. I’ve tried setting her up with her own ministore, and various other plans which never come to anything and always end up costing me loads. Not a week goes by when I’m not being manipulated inmto sending money and I’m probably between £9-10 grand down at this point. I care about this woman a lot but I feel like trapped into a cycle that I can’t break and she seems comfortable with always nagging me to pay for the latest problem, bill, or disaster that comes along. I’ve put my house on the market which my parents left to me and my brother in the hopes that I can fee up some cash and move to a more suitable place but the housing market is at a crawl right now and I’m getting a bit old to be dealing with all the stress and worry. I sometimes drink more than I should to cope with the depression and loneliness, which can get bad at night as I live alone. So far. at least it’s been a mild winter in the UK so heating bills aren’t as much of a worry as last year.
It’s uncomfortable for me to think about this but honestly I was in a not so dissimilar situation with my ex. Even after we split I was still being guilted into (with my own hands) fixing her car, taking care of things which she wanted the freedom in her life to be responsible for but was not responsible enough to take care of. It was all very difficult for me to distance myself from because I still cared.
Ultimately, I knew it couldn’t go on like this and I used something small to escalate a situation into a complete parting of ways. I was normally very forgiving of her behaviors, even when she cheated on me or we had other one-sided issues I would make allowances because I just believed that things would get better, but in the end I took something that I would normally look the other way about and instead got angry and told her I couldn’t stay in contact with her anymore because we weren’t even together and she was seeing other people.
Normally I wouldn’t talk about this but you sound like you’re really boxed in, and in that I can relate. If none of the 5 children is yours I think you should start looking for an exit strategy you can mentally commit to.
A few days ago at my work place I saw a familiar looking silhouette walking into the pharmacy on the other side of the hallway. It was my mother who has Alzheimer’s disease.
I saw her asking something from the pharmacist and then turn around and slowly walk out.
I went to talk to her and asked what is she doing there and where is she going.
She didn’t have a clue. This was the first time something like this has happened.
I called her a cab as I was alone at work and couldn’t leave to drive her home.
My dad died 2 years ago after having that same disease for 15 years.
It’s a heavy thing to see your loved ones disappear slowly but surely like that.
I’ve been pretty down bcs of this lately but life goes on.
While in most situations it’s not the healthy way to go, when a relationship is too unhealthy ghosting is ok, you don’t owe someone who is dragging your life down closure, you can just dip and do what’s right by you.
My dad has got Alzheimer’s as well, but he’s so far not seriously affected by it.
I’m sorry that your parents both got it so bad. I hope there are someone in your life that you can share the burden a little bit with.
I know I’m being used and we have the same arguments about the same recurrent problems week after week. As soon as I’ve paid to fix one issue another one comes along, quite often it’s a bad storm or flooding. They were recently evacuated for about a month to a local community center and she had no money, blankets or food and I had to foot the bill, probably cost me a grand, then she lost her phone then she broke a statue then they extend the stay a few more days, more money for food then they go back home again and there are bills to pay, food to buy, flood damage, it goes on and on. It’s a complicated issue, I like her a lot. I have tried my best to help her get on her feet but unfortunately it’s easier to keep falling back down to zero and nagging me into paying for things than it is to organise your life to be self-sufficient although I have no real way of ever knowing what’s going on. If I don’t pay to fix the problem she threatens to sell the phone and then she’s going to internet cafes and nagging me from there, she’s selling phone number 6 or maybe 7 now, I lost count, because I refused to pay for a new electric meter which she says the electric comany says her bills are too high because it’s faulty, as it seems to me that it’s not her property and part of the electric company’s infrastructure and goes down to overheads but unfortunately things are not always the same in Asia. She has admitted herself to hospital a couple of times and then I’m over a barrel again, pay now or you will pay even more tomorrow, price is going up and up. They don’t let them leave until the bill is paid. My relationship witn the Philippines started in mid 2005 and I’m married to a woman there who I have a son with (we’re now estranged) although he clearly isn’t mine, it took a few years before it became absolutely clear that he is 100% pinoy. It’s a mess, I’m trying to cut all ties but I have a soft-hearted nature towards people I care about (not with everyone, though) and she knows how to play me, they are pretty sharp.
I truly feel for you, and I know that this is not just a cut and dry issue for you. It will take strength to put yourself first and realize that to keep them in a home, you may soon lose your own. I can never tell another person how to live their life, but please consider putting yourself first, give yourself at least that much credit.
If you have to, change your phone number. I know you’ll feel guilt no matter what you do, but it may be the only way to physically extract yourself from the cycle of guilt and dependency.
